menopausebarbees
... the tales of two sisters

Dana lives in Seattle, and Tracie lives in Germany. We are businesswomen, writers and humorists. We write about life, dating, and today's modern women.

Therapissed!

I heard once a dear friend is like a bra… She is close to your heart, supports and lifts you up. So when my friends are hurting, I become a therapist, sister, and a double plus sized under-wire cup.

In addition to October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, it is also Domestic Violence Awareness.

I have a dear friend who although she has never been physically abused, she has resided for 15 years in a mentally abusive relationship. I along with nearly everyone else have told her she deserves better, but it has fallen on deaf ears.

The man twenty-two years my friend’s senior, swept her off her feet when she was 36. For the past decade and a half, my friend has enjoyed all the perks his wealth could afford. Designer clothes, luxury cars, jewelry, exotic vacations, and a plush home in an exclusive gated community.

My mother always told me, if you marry a man for money, he will make sure you earn every dime! My friend’s boyfriend has berated her publicly, criticized her mercilessly, and threatens to take her car as punishment over the most minor infraction in his eyes. For 15 years, my friend has performed all the standard homemaker duties, including cooking, cleaning, running errands, and being his arm candy at exclusive events for his high powered position. Unfortunately, she never had the security of marriage, and today, this 73 year old man told her the ride was over, and when was she getting out?

After I told her to immediately move and leave him a care package of Depends diapers for seniors, some Viagra, and Home Health Care facility alternatives, I realized I was being a Therapissed and not a therapist.

I then shared some of my favorite lines such as Dr. Wayne Dwyer’s verse in his best selling book, Pulling Your Own Strings and reminded her that there is no such thing as a well adjusted slave. I assured her through her tears, that yes, she is a Menopausebarbee, she may be getting older, but she’s still a doll, who is courageous, talented, and beautiful.

I marvel at the number of women in transition in their personal lives. It truly seems epidemic, and I find it so necessary for women to be a support system to each other as the effects can be as devastating as a death. In my own life, I can attest, it is frightening. My mom and dad divorced after 32 years of marriage. My sister and co-blogger was married for 25 years and divorced- well, he died during the process (read www.menopausebarbess.com How Do I Feel? post dated July 15, 2013). It is a scary time to go from “we” to “me”. But it can also be a time to embrace the GOOD change that awaits.

A story that drives this home for me is to consider the alternative. Approximately 13 years ago, my uncle died unexpectedly. He was a second father to me and I along with my mother took his passing terribly hard. We found ourselves in a church bereavement group. The dozen or so attendees all shared their losses. Mary’s mom had died, Tom lost his partner to AIDS, Shelly found out her husband had been unfaithful. When we got to Ben, a scruffy senior with a ragged beard, and forlorn pock-marked face, he shared that his wife of 65 years had recently passed. The group sighed, sadly in unison, when he blurted, “And I’m so glad the #&*@ bitch is dead!” I gasped after I recovered from a nervous audible chuckle and asked Ben why he was in our group if he was glad she was gone???? His response, “I’m grieving my own life. All the lost years, I can’t get them back.”

So in closing, I say for those going through this “change”, surround yourself with confidants who support you making the rest of your life the best of your life. If necessary, get to Therapy, so you won’t be Therapissed? As a menopausebarbee, we all know, sometimes, Change is Good!