... the tales of two sisters

Dana lives in Seattle, and Tracie lives in Germany. We are businesswomen, writers and humorists. We write about life, dating, and today's modern women.

Can Somebody Help Me Out Here???

Can Somebody Help Me Out Here???

People often are mistaken of what being a Landlord truly entails.  I believe you must have a certain DNA to handle the myriad of daily phone calls with complaints.  As I write this, it is Saturday afternoon at 1 pm and I just received a text from someone that their dishwasher is clogged.  My days are often filled with being the school teacher monitoring the play ground activity when neighbors are tattling on each other – “Unit 103 played their music until 1 A.M.” Deal with it!  “Unit B3 is smoking in the halls”  Deal with it!  “My stove is out, my tub won’t drain, my walls need painting.”  “Rent is late, because ———– fill in the blank.”   Truly as a life-long landlord, I have seen or heard it all- so I thought!

For the past month, residents in a 35 unit building have complained of urine in the hallways.  I sent out notices- NO Dogs allowed- not even visiting Dogs!  No one had seen any four legged friends.  But each week, just like a dog, a pool of fresh urine puddled on the entry interior staircase adjacent to the elevator. Not to be too graphic, but it was rancid!  Smelled like whoever released this had eaten a barrel of asparagus:(  After weekly shampooing, deodorizing and not a single occupant spotting a vagrant sneaking into the security building, we were truly at a loss. So I decided to install a hidden camera and voila- caught the culprit with his pants down LITERALLY!

As I approached the newly married resident, I tried to reason- psychology is an important tool in being a landlord.  “We have a problem”, I announced when I arrived at his door at 5 pm with my maintenance foreman who I call my husband from the waste up and my partner mother.  He looked dumbfounded- imagine surprised Emoji when I said, “Why are you peeing in our hallways?”
After the initial denial, I held up evidence of our candid camera where he went on the explain that he has a pee fetish and enjoys the way it smells.  My compassionate mother, who at over 60 years of seeing, hearing, and experiencing it all told him she had a resolution and to GTFO immediately!

Now as I prefaced- Somebody help me out here!!! As a child, I loved the joke, If you’re American in the kitchen – what are you in the bathroom? European!  Well, what the hell are you in the hallway?